


Freak (Johnlock angst)

by ALLTEHFANDOMSUNITE



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/M, Hate, M/M, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Sherlock - Freeform, trigger warning, voices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 20:56:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12093264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALLTEHFANDOMSUNITE/pseuds/ALLTEHFANDOMSUNITE
Summary: "Freak, Weirdo, odd, annoying, intovert." The words swam through Sherlocks head. He was most definitely not okay and alone.





	Freak (Johnlock angst)

      Sherlock knew it wasn't Johns fault. He knew that John didn't mean it; hewas just in the heat of anger. Even so it didn't make it hurt any less. 

     He buried his head in his hands. The hurtful words swam through his head invading any coherent thoughts.  _Weirdo, odd ball, maniac, insane, freak._ All the painful words that were jabbed at him throughout the years swam in his head. He had spent so much time burying them. It was pointless, they were bound to re-surface at one point. Just not now. Not before the wedding. He had to be in perfect shape for the next few days. 

      How was he going to be in perfect shape when  _they_ wouldn't leave him alone.  _You're worthless. You're a goddamn freak with no emotions. Even John said it himself._ Sherlock let tears fall down his face. He let  _them_ in; Sherlock let them attack him. After all what they said is true. He was not normal. Everyone said it when he was a kid, and everyone said it now a days. 

     His eyes stung from all the tears that kept falling from his face. His blue eyes were now foggy. They were filled with emotion, but it wasn't the good kind of emotions, no this was self-hatred. 

     The voices had calmed down for so long, and now they were back stronger than ever. They always attacked Sherlock when he was most vulnerable.  _Maniac. You're bound to snap at any time. You're going to kill someone. You're not safe to be around. Sally said it herself._ Sherlock let out a strangled sob. He clutched his head.  _Insane. Odd._ "Shut up!"  _Weirdo._ "Stop it!"  _Freak._ "Please."  _Fake._ "Stop!"  _Worthless scum._ "Leave me alone!" 

       He hit his head with the palm of his hand. Mrs. Hudson walked into the room. "Sherlock honey what's all the racket?" Her eyes widened as she saw the face of the consulting detective. She quickly walked over to Sherlock. "What's wrong?" She exclaimed placing her hand on Sherlocks shoulder. He had never seen him so  **broken.** "Nothing." Her eyebrows knit together and she crossed her arms. "It's most definitely not nothing!" She let her arms fly into the air as if to prove her point. 

    "Now tell me what's wrong." She demanded, her voice stern. "I said it's nothing okay! I'm fine!" He screamed. Mrs. Hudson backed away into the hallway. 

      Be strong Sherlock. Don't show emotion. Emotions are for weak people. You are not weak. 

     Mrs. Hudson dialed John's number. She was immediately led to voicemail. She let out a frustrated groan. There was only one other person she could consult about Sherlock. Mycroft. 

     Mycroft was never going to admit it but he did care for his brother. He strode into 221B Baker Street straight to where his little brother lay. He sighed and sat next to Sherlock. He was not good at showing compassion but Mycroft understood that for once _he had to_. For his brother. 

       He took one look at his brother's face and immediately knew what was wrong. For this is not the first time this bad happened. He let out a soft sigh and pulled his brother into a hug. "Sherlock what's wrong?" He knew what was wrong but it would help if his brother told him. Sherlock responded by digging his head into Mycrofts shoulder. "Do you remember what I told you when this last happened?" Sherlock shook his head. "I told you not to listen to them. The people  or the voices. Remember that negativity can't get to you unless you let it." He pulled Sherlock back. "Now straighten yourself up. I want my old brother back." 

...

    Sherlock looked at himself in the mirror. He straightened his bow tie. He took in a deep breath. "Relax." _Ugly._ Sherlock ignored the voice for today was Johns big day and he was not going to ruin it. He had to ignore all his feelings today. 

 .....

     Sherlock stood by himself as everyone danced. He absolutely adored dancing but had no one to dance with. He smiled sadly as he stared at John dance with Mary. The sharp ends from his broken barrier around his heart jabbed at him. He was slowly tearing apart. Sherlock took in a deep breath. He couldn't do this. It hurt too much. 

      He sneaked out of the party. It's not as if anyone would notice. 

......

    Sherlock lay in his bed. His mind wandered back to what John said a few days prior to today.

_You idiot! You can't just say that! Do you ever think?! Of course not. You're just a stonefaced freak! You never think of others! I hope you feel sorry. John stormed away leaving Sherlock to his thoughts._

    Sherlock blinked away a few tears. It was his fault after all. He shouldn't have said anything. He knew that John didn't mean what he said. But it hurt so much. His heart throbbed with pain. The man he loved degraded him. His soulmate had just married someone else. 

     He knew he would still see John, but it wouldn't be the same. He would have to push down his pain and act normal. Sherlock was aware that it would destroy him. He was prepared for it though. For he would do anything to make John believe that he's okay. 


End file.
